Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
