I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
