just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
