I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
