its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
