why didn't you poke me back
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
