I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
