I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
