you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize