Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
