Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
