Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize