Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
