I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
