yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize