You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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