if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
