you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Acid is not a monday night drug
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
