you have to choose: penises or morals?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
