Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
