exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
