I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
