And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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