Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
