I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize