I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
