guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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