Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
