I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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