Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
