Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
