I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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