i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
