I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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