Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
