Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
