Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
