Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
