i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wear drunk well.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
