Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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