Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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