I'm really into asian looking animals
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
only you would photoshop your dick
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
