Umm I'm too high to move.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
