In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just had sex bonerless
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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