benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
