so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
