In America we eat man semen.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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