I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
