Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
