goodnight i made you a song goodbye
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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