you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
