Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
