ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize