haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
