lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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