i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
