70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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