I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
