Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
