The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
