Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
