The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
