your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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