why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
