You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
