i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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