Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
