totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
