why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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