just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
