A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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