mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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